


The Lies We Live By

by Dominoes95



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety Disorder, Awakusu-Kai, Child Neglect, Childhood Sexual Abuse, Emotional Manipulation, Gang Rape, Gang Violence, Graphic Rape/Non-Con, M/M, Medical Procedures, Mental Health Issues, One-Sided Attraction, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Torture, genophobia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2020-11-08 01:16:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20826956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dominoes95/pseuds/Dominoes95
Summary: Izaya gets caught working as a double agent for the Awakusu-Kai by the son of a dangerous gang leader. There is no mercy for snitches.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is mostly writing practice and will be a few chapters. I have so many unfinished works sitting around on my computer afraid to post them. This one I've been working/editing for a while, trying to make it different than my other torture fics. Which I obviously have a problem with if you've seen my other works.  
-Italics are internal thoughts!  
-Graphic rape in the first chapter!

Izaya was working with Shiki-San to stop an organization that was trying to get into Ikebukuro’s weapon sale market. He was working as a double agent to give him information he could report to the Awakusu.

Someone must had found him out because the next time he met with the boss was when he was exposed.

He had just finished giving the information Shiki had directed him to Kobi-San, the leader of the operation. The man was in his late forties and was not someone you wanted to mess with. He had been friendly with Izaya before but the informant was always on guard.

“I wish I didn’t have to do this Orihara-San, but we don’t take snitches for the Awakusu lightly in this organization.” He said without any remorse after Izaya had finished speaking.

Izaya laughed, “Kobi-San! You are a funny guy, what you are accusing me of is very serious. The Awakusu have approached me but you see I don’t like the way they operate. It gives me a bad taste.” Izaya said with a shrug. This was not the first time he’d been accused of such things.

“I was told you can be very convincing and it makes me wonder about your intentions.” The man said.

Izaya sighed in frustration, his act had been perfected for years now. “Whoever gave you this information is the one you should be investigating, people like that always try to put the blame on someone else.”

There was knock on the door before it opened, Kobi’s son Yuriko and two of his underlings entered. Izaya smirked, he never liked Yuriko, the man was always suspicious of him and probably more dangerous than his father. He was going to ruin the whole operation, Shiki-San would be pissed.

“You don’t have to keep up the charade Izaya-Kun. We already have the evidence of your disloyalty.” Yuriko’s condescending voice cut through the silence.

The two men behind him stepped over to the couch Izaya was sitting on. Izaya sensing danger stood up quickly pulling his switchblade out pointing it at the closer one’s chest making them stop.

“Kobi-San, stop this nonsense. Your son is confused, I will ruin your reputation for any other informants you try to hire.” Izaya hissed angrily. _The idiot was ruining everything! Shiki-San would cut his pay for this._

“You won’t be able to do anything of the sort where you’re going.” Kobi said causally as he checked his phone, ignoring the scene in front of him.

Izaya angrily slashed the man’s chest then shoved him hard to the ground when he was in shock. He took off but Yuriko grabbed the hood of his jacket before he reached the door and slammed him into the wall his knife falling out of his hand feeling dizzy from the hit. Yuriko quickly pressed a damp cloth over his nose and mouth. Izaya was beginning to feel light headed and his vision was going blurry. “Just go to sleep Izaya-Kun.” Yuriko whispered into his ear before everything went dark.

* * *

It was dark when Izaya woke, he felt achy all over. He tried to sit up but felt his wrists cuffed behind his back, cold metal digging in when he tried to pull. He was laid on an old mattress, Izaya made a face in disgust at the smell feeling the springs digging into his stomach.

He faded in and out of sleep for a while since there was nothing else to do. Izaya tensed when he heard the door creak open, he had no idea how much time had passed being in the dark windowless room. A light above him was flicked on making his eyes burn from the sudden change.

“This is what happens to rats that mess with my father’s business.” Yuriko’s harsh voice sounded as he heard footsteps coming closer to him.

By the time Izaya’s vision was clearing Yuriko was crouched next to him a cruel smirk on his face. The informant could see others behind him, no doubt to intimidate him. _This man was going to kill him._

“Let me go Yuriko, you’ll never hear from me again. Isn’t that what you want?” Izaya kept his voice steady. Showing any fear would make this worse for him.

“Not really, you’re going to give me all the information you gave to the Awakusu.” He said as he watched Izaya for any reaction.

Izaya sighed, “I already told you, I don’t work for them. When are you going to get that through your thick head?”

“You’re really sticking to that story? Well I can’t let you go either way, you already know too much.” The older man let his hand run down Izaya’s backside making the younger flinch.

“Don’t touch me!” Izaya hissed which made Yuriko chuckle.

“You don’t have the power here Orihara, I do. Since you have decided not to cooperate I’m going to do whatever I want with you.” He said calmly as he climbed onto the mattress sitting on the back of Izaya’s knees so he couldn't struggle as he reached underneath unbuckling the man’s belt.

Izaya couldn't breathe properly, he was afraid.

“What do you want to know?” Izaya asked, trying to keep his voice from breaking but he knew he sounded scared.

The man on top of him laughed, “See! I told you he would give up before I even did anything!” Yuriko said to the others who laughed at the informant’s expense.

“I’m serious, I’ll do anything else.” Izaya said feeling like he was going to be sick. He hated people touching him. He never let anyone get close enough to him for sex ever to be an option. He was terrified of someone having control over him.

Yuriko pulled Izaya’s pants down to his knees exposing him to everyone in the room. Izaya turned his head trying to see what Kobi was doing but soon regretted it. The man was already pulling his hard cock out off his pants. _It was too big! It would never fit!_

Cold hands pulled his cheeks apart making the pink hole visible to Yuriko. He had wanted to do this to Orihara for a long time. He loved fucking pretty boys who thought they were better than him. Something about Orihara especially pissed him off. He didn’t want to just fuck him he wanted to break him until there was nothing left.

He pressed the tip of his cock against the opening feeling how tense Orihara got, that would just make it hurt a whole lot more.

“No! Please stop! I’m sorry!” Izaya begged, his eyes watering. So much fear in his expression, Yuriko loved it. Unwilling partners were always the best.

Kobi smirked but ignored the pleas and pushed in with a hard shove, groaning in pleasure when he heard a scream tear out of Izaya’s throat. Yuriko gripped the thin hips tighter digging his fingernails in as he slammed into the tight body.

“God, he’s so tight. I bet this is his first time.” Kobi said to the others. He could see them eyeing Orihara’s helpless body as he fucked him. They would have their turn soon.

He came deep inside the man a few minutes later riding out the last of it before pulling out. He smirked seeing semen and blood oozing out of Izaya’s stretched hole.

He tucked himself back into his pants and walked around to Izaya’s head which was pressed into the mattress to muffle his screams. He yanked Izaya’s head up by his hair seeing his pale tear stained face.

“How was that for your first time? I think my friends over there are getting a little impatient, once they have their turns we’ll talk some more alright?” Kobi stood up not waiting for Izaya’s reply. He nodded to his men who didn’t wait a second before taking the informant.

Kobi watched as they yanked Orihara’s pants down the rest of the way tossing them to the floor while another ripped off the thin shirt he was wearing leaving him completely naked under them.

His right hand Eijiro pushed Izaya’s ass up in the air, exposing his bleeding hole so he could get a better angle before pushing himself in. The others had taken to running their greedy hands all over the helpless body, he could see the younger trembling in pain as more blood trickled down his pale thighs from the rough pace.

“Do you think he’ll suck cock?” One of them asked.

“The bitch will bite your dick off! But try it if you want.” Another laughed.

One of the brave ones pulled Orihara up by his hair and pushed a leaking cock against his lips. “Come on bitch open up!” He laughed. Izaya glared at him, not cooperating.

Eijiro grabbed Izaya’s soft dick twisting it painfully in his hard grip making the informant shriek from the intense pain. The other man was able to shove his cock down his throat, sliding in and out making the man choke and gasp on the intrusive object blocking his airway while the others laughed.

Yukiro became hard watching Izaya getting fucked from both ends, it was erotic. He was filming the whole thing on his phone so he could show his father. The man would definitely appreciate that Izaya was getting what he deserved.

Eijiro came hard before pulling out and the next man took his place immediately, pushing in with no hesitation. The sounds off Izaya’s ass taking the cock were erotic and he was completely helpless against whatever they did to him.

The man came into Izaya’s mouth and throat before pulling out, the informant coughed and choked on the thick fluid spitting it out on the floor. Someone grabbed his hair making his already sore scalp ache pushing a cock into his panting mouth.

Izaya bit down _hard, _the taste of blood filled his mouth and the high pitch scream of the man he bit filled his ears. He wouldn’t let the man pull out only clenching his jaw tighter. He was kicked many times in the side, the feeling of his ribs cracking finally made Izaya let go as he gasped in pain. He wiped his bloody mouth on the mattress. But the brutal assault did not stop.

By the time everyone had their turn hours had gone by, Yuriko was alone now watching Izaya’s motionless body. Blood and semen had pooled between his spread thighs and his body was covered in bruises and scratches from their rough beating. The informant had semen and saliva dried around his mouth. He had passed out some time ago but Yuriko couldn’t remember when that was. Its not like they stopped when he fainted, that would be too kind. Fucking the unconscious man had been even more of a turn on, putting his body in all kinds of interesting positions. Kobi snapped some more pictures on his phone, he would definitely be jerking off to these later. The unconscious man had no idea how much he made Yuriko lust for his body.

* * *

Shiki opened his phone when he got a text alert, it was from Orihara. He smirked, the man hadn't answered him in days. He better have a good reason for ignoring Shiki’s texts.

When he opened the message he saw it was a video which was strange for Izaya. He played it and quickly realized what this was.

Someone was filming Izaya chained up on the floor while a man interrogated him about the Awakusu. _So his cover had been blown._

Izaya refused to answer anything, impressing Shiki that Izaya was so loyal to them.

Shiki’s stomach fell when he saw one of the men climb on the back of Izaya’s legs pulling his pants down to his knees.

Izaya was beginning to stumble over his words, Shiki could hear the fear in his voice as he tried to talk his way out. It was no use, Shiki knew Izaya was too pretty for his own good and these guys wouldn't pass that up. The sound of Izaya’s raw scream when the man forced his way in dry was painful to listen to. Izaya struggled to get away, the chains clanking loudly as he fought but it was useless. He wanted to turn the video off but Shiki couldn't look away, Izaya’s screams grew weaker as time went on. The video ended after several men had raped the informant but Shiki could tell that they weren’t finished with him. He only hoped the man wasn't dead.

He contacted Mizuki,

“Orihara’s cover was blown. We’re going to need a new way in.” He told his partner.

“_Really? The kid was so confident about this job too.” Mizuki said with a chuckle. _

“They sent me a video, they’re holding him. They hurt him pretty badly too.” He sighed.

“_Damn, the boss won’t be happy if they get info out of him.”_

“It seems like he’s holding out so far, but I don’t know how long he’ll last.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long break, thanks for the kudos and subscriptions.

It was over two weeks before they got Kobi Senior to cave and give them Orihara. Shiki hung up his phone sighing in exasperation. This whole thing was a huge mess. But he was promised the informant was still alive.

Shiki had Kishitani come to the offices which made the young doctor nervous, Shiki-San never had him come there.

Shinra knocked on the door to Shiki’s small office before opening the door. The room was cramped with a desk Shiki was sitting behind and a ratty old couch against the opposite wall. There was a filing cabinet against the wall and a small window that let in some light through the blinds. The artificial light was dim.

“Ah, Kishitani-San. You made it.” The executive said with little emotion.

“Yes, I was surprised you called me here. It must be important.” Shinra answered, eyes shining with interest.

“I am sorry to disappoint you, but we are just waiting for your patient. I couldn't give the transporters the location of your office for security reasons.” The man sat back in his chair folding his hands together.

Shinra nodded in understanding still curious about what was going on. He could see how tired and irritated the executive looked.

“Do you know what kind of injuries the patient has?” Shinra only had his bag with him but had no idea if he had the right supplies.

Shiki made a face Shinra couldn’t quite place. “Orihara was working for me on something, he was found out. You went to school with Orihara right?” Shiki said, changing the subject.

Shinra felt cold, “You never said anything about Orihara-Kun being my patient.”

Shiki sighed, “We’re trying to keep this quiet for his sake.”

“He’s in bad shape, isn’t he? You don’t have to be so careful Shiki-San, I’ve seen quite a bit.” Shinra felt somewhat annoyed he was being coddled.

“It’s just that I don’t know how he is, the last I saw him was two weeks ago and the video was about two days after. I have no idea what's been done to him in the time since. All I know is that he’s alive.” He replied.

This made Shinra worry, alive could mean anything. Almost dead, or a few bruises and Izaya would push him away saying he’s fine. He hoped for the latter.

* * *

Akaybashi got out of the car in the wide alleyway as the van pulled up a few yards away. Shiki had asked him to pick up Orihara from Kobi’s men and bring him to the clinic. He sighed tapping his cane against the ground, the brisk winter air blew hard.

A man pulled someone out of the back of the van dragging him over, Mizuki quickly recognized the dark hair and thin frame.

The man pushed Izaya forward smirking when he hit the ground with a thud, the bloodied hands barely stopping his face from hitting the pavement. The young man was shaking badly looking unaware of his surroundings.

“Our boss sends his regards.” The man who had shoved Izaya said to Mizuki.

“I’m sure he will keep to our conditions.” Akaybashi answered.

The man scoffed, “Yeah, he just wants you people keeping your rats out of our organization. Though this one was fun to play with.” He added with a chuckle looking down at Izaya’s broken body.

“Yeah, it looks like you had a good time. Just as long as we don’t see each other again.” Akaybashi said with a snarl. He was not a fan of this kind of treatment unless it was necessary.

Kobi’s men left leaving Akaybashi with Izaya, a few lower rank Awakusu had waited behind him. He walked over to Izaya who hadn’t moved. He crouched down next to the younger man to inspect the damage.

Izaya’s clothes were filthy and bloodstained, they looked too big to be the informant’s clothing. It looked like someone else had dressed him in a hurry which gave Mizuki a gnawing feeling in his stomach. The visible skin was ashen with different shades of bruising coloring it. Izaya’s eyes were open slightly staring into the ground, he looked completely lost. Greasy hair fell in his face with blood and grime stuck to it.

“Izaya, I’m going to help you in the car.” He said slowly.

There was no response except a slight flicker of his eyes which Mizuki nearly missed. He slid a hand around Izaya’s thin waist slowly pulling him to his feet which Akaybayshi realized were bare. Izaya’s legs immediately gave out, making a strangled sound of pain that did not even sound human. He pressed his face into the executive’s side, body trembling so violently it made Mizuki feel pity.

_This was not the Izaya he knew. __Part of him wanted to go back and find that man who he had spoken to and rip him apart as he had done to the informant. No doubt he __took__ part __in_ _this__._

He set Izaya down on the back seat sliding in next to him, the informant was still unresponsive but he leaned against Akabayshi’s side fading in and out of consciousness.

He called Shiki to let him know they were on the way back. The man sounded relieved even though he tried to cover it. Mizuki knew he had a soft spot for Izaya even if he tried to hide it, even from the informant himself.

“_How is he?” _Shiki asked after answering the phone.

“Its bad Shiki. He needs help.” He sighed glancing at the informant's bruised face.

“_I have Kishitani here, he wants to know if there is any major bleeding or head wounds.” _Shiki asked.

“His clothes are bloody but not too bad. He’s not responsive to my voice he’s just in a daze.” Mizuki tried to explain. The voices were muffled on the other line he guessed the two were speaking.

“_Is he feverish Akaybayshi-San?” _Kishitani’s voice now on the line.

Mizuki gently pressed a hand to Izaya’s pallid face feeling intense heat, sweat making his hair stick to his forehead. Izaya barely twitched at the feeling.

“Yeah, he’s really warm. Is that bad?”

Shinra sighed, “_Just get here and I’ll see what I can do.”_

Akaybayshi gently lifted the semi-conscious man out of the car when they arrived carrying him inside. He did not want to cause him more pain by trying to get him to walk. The man barely weighed anything which was another concern. He was brought into the underground clinic where Kishitani did most of his patch-up jobs for the Awakusu.

He laid Izaya on the hospital bed in a private room, not missing the weak gasp of pain and his eyes slowly blinking open.

Mizuki looked over when he heard the door open and Kishitani and Shiki entered, he gave them a grim look as he stepped away from the bed.

Shinra stepped over to the bed to see the state of his friend. He felt his stomach lurch, over the many years he had known Izaya he had to patch up quite a lot of injuries but this was nothing compared to the past.

Izaya was laid limp on the bed not moving except for uncontrollable trembling, his face was bruised and blood dried down his head.

He sighed setting his bag on the table, he took out a penlight shining it in Izaya’s eyes to check his pupil reactions. The man whimpered softly squinting at the brightness, but the pupils were dilated. He noticed how red and bloodshot the eyes were probably from sleep deprivation and dehydration.

The clothing Izaya was wearing was bloody and obviously not his own. This made Shinra feel even more uneasy, though he hoped his suspicions were wrong.

He gently pulled up the shirt to check the vitals but Izaya reacted badly to his touch. The man cried out weakly trying to push Shinra's hands away which showed Shinra the state of his raw bloody wrists.

_He had been bound, definitely tried to pull them off._

Tears ran down his face, all that came out were painful gasps as he struggled to breathe properly. His mind lost in a horrible memory.

“Izaya? You’re safe now, it’s Shinra. I need you to take even breaths alright?” He said calmly trying to settle the man down. There was nothing he could do until Izaya stopped struggling. He didn't want this to turn into a full-blown panic attack.

Shinra injected the sedative into a vein sighing as Izaya’s body finally relaxed. He gently brushed Izaya’s face wiping the tears out of his eyes with a cloth. The informant was out of it from exhaustion. Shinra set up an IV with saline to help the dehydration and nutrients his body was badly deprived of.

“I’m sorry.” Shinra said softly before beginning his work. He knew Izaya wouldn't want anyone to see what those bastards did to him. There was little Shinra could do for the extensive bruising that seemed to cover Izaya’s entire body. It was clear he had been badly beaten. He cleaned and bandaged the cuts and wrapped the broken ribs and collar bone. He had to stitch the wounds closed from the cuffs that had cut deeply into Izaya’s wrists when he was unable to stop the bleeding. He knew those wounds would scar badly with the skin on the wrists being so thin. He checked carefully for head injuries but thankfully the bastards didn’t hit him there too badly. Only some bruising and cuts on his face and neck that he cleaned.

Shinra paled when he saw fresh blood staining the white sheets under the man’s thighs.

_There must be internal damage. He’s loosing too much blood. _ He gently turned Izaya over on his side to get access to the injuries, there was a low whimper of pain from the man his eyes flickered trying to open.

“Shh, just relax for me.” The doctor said softly, tugging down the clothing past Izaya’s waist seeing they didn’t bother with underwear. His backside was slick with fresh blood making Shinra feel ill at the sight of the amount of blood,_ he’s definitely torn badly._

He used a wet cloth to wipe the blood and any other fluids away between Izaya’s legs but more blood kept leaking out. Izaya was still fearful, not understanding Shinra was trying to help.

“N..no.” He whimpered softly, the pain between his legs was too much. Izaya’s eyes stung with tears as he felt something sharp inside of him. He couldn't breathe, his chest felt like it was burning.

“Izaya, You need to breathe for me, I promise I’m almost done and then you can rest.” Shinra said tensely.

Izaya’s vision was too blurry to see anything, and the voice above was garbled.

Shinra panicked because Izaya had started sobbing, he tried to soothe his friend but the pain was just too much for the informant to handle. He brushed a hand through the sweat-soaked hair gently consoling his friend. He injected another painkiller before getting back to work stitching up Izaya’s badly torn insides. There were contusions and swelling consistent with repeated sexual assault. He had to work slowly because of Izaya tensing and trying to pull away as he made devastated cries of agony. He was in excruciating pain from the severe tearing and it was no doubt the most painful wounds he received.

“God Izaya, you really got yourself into a mess this time.” Shinra said to the nearly unconscious man. His mind darkly wondered how many times had Izaya been raped for the damage to be this bad. He would have to be on bed rest for a while with these wounds. There was no telling what his mental state was like, but from how traumatized he seemed it was likely to be bad.

Once he finished Shinra wrapped the informant in the blanket to keep him calm when he woke up. Izaya had fallen asleep quickly after Shinra finished.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments and kudos. I hope you like this chapter!

Shinra checked his phone seeing hours had gone by. But the doctor was anything but tired, maybe feeling sick if anything after seeing the horrific wounds on his friend’s body.  
He left Izaya to rest going out into the main room finding Shiki still sitting there. Shinra gave the man a weak smile.  
“How is he?” The executive asked.  
Shinra was expecting this but he hadn’t prepared what he was going to say. “It was bad as you already expected. He’s going to need a while to recover from this.”  
“Did he say anything to you?”  
Shinra shook his head, “He was in too much pain to have a cognizant conversation.”   
Shinra knew Izaya had a high pain tolerance but he had limits.   
“Anyway, I would like to have him moved to my office within a few days so I can monitor him better.” Shinra asked.  
Shiki nodded at the request, “Can I see him?”  
Shinra led him into the small windowless room, Izaya was laid under the blankets deep in unconsciousness. His face was bruised like he’d been beaten, the rest of his body was covered by the blankets. The urge to pull the blankets off and see Izaya’s wounds for himself was tempting but he didn’t want Kishitani to know. He’d never seen the man look so helpless before, it made him angrier that there would be no consequences for the people who did this. The boss already made a deal with Kobi for returning Orihara alive.   
Haruya sat down letting out a tired sigh. He wondered if Izaya would continue to work as an info broker after this. He had always admired the man’s intelligence and manipulation skills since he met him as a teenager. Of course he was very attractive and used it to an advantage. Although Izaya never slept with clients, he got his information through his own abilities, sure he charmed his clients but Shiki knew he never let anyone touch him. The executive had ways of getting information on Izaya’s personal life, which was extremely invasive on his part but Haruya didn’t care.  
They had tested Orihara many times, sending undercover agents to buy info on the Awakusu. Information they knew Izaya had. He refused the jobs, even when threatened he just laughed at the agents and threatened them with his switchblade.  
But Izaya never seemed to notice Shiki’s interest or he just ignored it, the man couldn't tell making it more frustrating.  
Yuriko had taken what was his and it infuriated Haruya to no end. He watched the video sent to him many times. He knew he shouldn't be turned on by it but the sight of Izaya naked and helpless excited him. He imagined it was his cock sliding in and out of the tight body making Izaya scream as he pounded into him.  
_He was a sick man._

* * *

Izaya felt warm as he came to, he opened his eyes slowly squinting at the bright lights overhead. He could hear a soft beeping near his head. He tried to push himself up but intense pain spiked up though his lower back making Izaya choke back a sob.   
The memories of what happened came back quickly and Izaya struggled to breathe as tears filled his eyes.   
There was someone over him making Izaya flinch badly when they touched him.   
_He was in that room again, Yuriko on top of him. Oh god, it hurts so much! Why won’t he stop!_  
“Izaya, you need to breathe.” A familiar voice cut through the memory.  
Izaya cracked open his eyes, tears blurring his vision. It was Shinra, gentle hands holding Izaya from injuring himself further in his struggle.   
Izaya went limp in his arms, relief filling him. “Sh..Shinra?” He asked, voice hoarse.   
Shinra smiled weakly, glad that Izaya finally recognized him. “Yes, I’m here. You’re at my place.” The doctor said calmly.  
“...Hurts.” Izaya whispered weakly. His throat in incredible pain.  
“I know.” Shinra said gently as he rubbed Izaya’s shoulder in reassurance. He could feel the man trembling badly but doubted Izaya even noticed.  
“He..He wouldn't stop. It hurt so much I…I begged him to stop.” Izaya whispered, tears running down his sickly pale face. He never wanted anyone to touch him like that again.  
Shinra bit his lip to keep his face neutral, he’d never seen Izaya like this, it was frightening.

Days went by and Izaya’s condition didn’t change much. The informant spent most of the days sleeping, his body drained of energy from the trauma. He would wake up hysterical from horrible nightmares not remembering where he was or that he was safe. Shinra would sit holding his sobbing friend until he succumbed to exhaustion. It was really wearing Shinra out emotionally seeing Izaya so traumatized. The doctor was becoming angrier and angrier at the people who did this.   
_They needed to pay._  
Shinra found Shiki-San was no help since he was bound by the Awakusu’s agreements. The thoughts of how he wanted to mutilate Izaya’s torturers were constant while he held Izaya down, not wanting to aggravate his wounds more in his hysterical state.

He looked up from his computer when he heard the front door open. It was probably Celty back from a job. She came into the office setting her helmet down on the table.   
Shinra smiled, “How was the job?”   
Celty shrugged, [It was fine, the pay wasn’t very good.]  
Shinra chuckled. “You’re used to Izaya’s prices.”   
[How is he doing? You barely mention him.]  
Shinra sighed, he didn’t want to worry Celty since she didn’t know the full extent of Izaya’s injuries. He kept her out of the medical office, he didn't want her to see Izaya in this state. She would ask too many questions. The only people that knew about the brutal torture and rape were him, Shiki-San, and Akaybashi.  
The computer made an alert and Shinra looked over and cursed. He had the monitors hooked up to his computer so he could watch Izaya’s vitals for any change. The temperature had spiked back up.  
“I’ll be back soon, I need to check something.” He said with a fake smile before leaving Celty.  
Izaya was awake when he entered the dimly lit room but just barely. The informant’s eyes were open slightly his pale face flushed with fever. He didn't seem to notice Shinra until the man was over him gently feeling his vitals for inflammation.  
Shinra felt the man tense up at the feeling of hands on him but nothing more, Shinra had been generous with the narcotics and sleeping aids after seeing how bad the level of pain Izaya was in.  
Shinra sighed there was probably a small infection somewhere that could be from a number of things. He set up a drip with antibiotics before getting a cool pack to press to Izaya’s face. He felt the man relax a bit at the feeling watching as he slowly fell back into a drugged sleep.

* * *

Izaya heard soft voices in the hallway, he was laid on his side under the blankets. Movement was too painful at the moment. Shinra was worried about him, he could tell from the same expression of pity on his face every time he came in. Shinra tried to get him to eat but food made Izaya feel ill. This only worried Shinra more when he refused his offers.  
There was a soft knock on the door before it was opened slowly, “Izaya, You awake?” Shinra asked softly.  
Izaya made no response, he just wanted to be left alone to wallow in his misery.  
Shinra stepped over to the bed seeing Izaya was awake. “Hey, Shiki-San is here. He wants to see you for a few minutes.”  
This made Izaya’s anxiety resurface, he hadn’t seen Shiki since before everything happened. He imagined the Awakusu executive was pissed with him for losing the trust of Kobi’s organization.  
Shinra noticed this. “You’ll be fine, I’m not going anywhere.”  
Izaya was losing the one thing he needed most, control.

“How are you feeling?” Shiki asked once he was sitting down.  
“I’m okay” Izaya’s voice came out in a hoarse whisper. He sounded and looked awful but Shiki didn’t push it.  
It felt like the man’s eyes were seeing right through him and it made him feel incredibly vulnerable. A feeling he never felt before with the executive. He must know what happened to him during his captivity, it was clear from the way he looked at him with such a different expression than before. But what it was he couldn't place.  
Shinra got a call on his phone and stepped out of the room saying he would be a few minutes.  
“Izaya, you don’t have to worry none of those people will ever touch you again.” The man said calmly as he stroked his hand through Izaya’s hair.   
Izaya wanted to tell him to stop, he didn’t want to be touched. But Shiki had helped him, it would be rude and he didn’t want to anger him.  
Haruya pulled the blanket off of him leaving him bare except for the thin medical gown Shinra had dressed him in.   
Izaya flinched when he felt a hand on his bare thigh. “St..stop.” he rasped, his eyes welling with tears. He tried to push the hands away but the pain in his wrist stopped him.  
“Shh, I just want to look at what they did.” He said softly ignoring the obvious signs of distress, his hands sliding up Izaya’s badly bruised and scratched thighs pushing the gown up with them.  
Izaya gasped when he felt a hand wrap around his penis, he could see the man smirking down at him through his tear blurred vision.   
“Did they touch you here too?” Shiki asked as he continued to fondle him.   
Izaya clenched his eyes shut trying to calm himself down,_ what was he doing?_ The man had never acted like this before.  
Pain spiked through him when he felt the pressure of a finger push through his stitched entrance, he cried again for the man to stop.  
“You’re so tight still, I thought you’d be looser after being fucked raw by so many men.” The crude words made Izaya feel sick.  
Everything was growing hazy before Izaya realized Shiki had pressed the button that dispensed more drugs into his IV making him sleepy.  
Shiki watched as Izaya fell into a drugged sleep. Izaya’s body had not reacted to Shiki touching him, not that the man cared. Izaya was so pumped full of drugs he barely knew what was going on. He probably wouldn’t even remember this. Or at the least think it was a dream.  
Haruya never felt more exhilarated, having Izaya at his mercy too weak to resist him was a fantasy of his. He wanted nothing more than to climb on top of the man and fuck him hard and deep. But Shiki needed to be patient, he needed Izaya in better shape before he could have him.

* * *

Izaya woke up in a panic, he had a horrible dream about Shiki-San molesting him. The room was dark and he realized it must be late. Izaya felt hot tears run down his cheeks unable to control them. He wanted to go home. No one could hurt him there, he could lock the doors and never come out.  
He pushed himself up, breathing hard trying to control the pain that made him feel dizzy. Pushing his legs over the side of the bed once standing the weakness his legs made him collapse to the floor making him cry out in pain.  
The lights flipped on and Izaya heard the sound of the door opening and footsteps quickly walking over to him. “Izaya! What are you doing!”   
Izaya opened his eyes slightly to find himself being pulled up by his upper body laid against Shinra's chest. The doctor’s careful hands felt over the thin fabric of the gown to check his broken ribs hadn't moved out of place from the fall.  
“I want to go home.” Izaya whispered his voice strained with pain.  
Shinra sighed, “You’re in no condition to go home, you can’t even stand up.”  
Izaya whimpered as Shinra helped him back into the bed pulling the blankets over his frail body. Izaya was still trembling, tears running down his face that Shinra knew Izaya hadn’t even noticed.  
Shinra walked over to the medicine cabinet pulling out a bottle of pills then filling a paper cup with water before returning to his patient.  
“Izaya, I want you to take two of these pills. They will help you sleep soundly.”   
Izaya allowed Shinra to raise the bed so Izaya could swallow the pills. The young doctor wished he could do more. It was obvious Izaya was struggling a lot with what happened along with the pain from his injuries it was a bad combination.  
He pressed a button on the control lowering the bed back down, Izaya was staring into space his eyes red from crying. He mumbled something incoherent before falling back asleep. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and reviewing!

It was several more days before Izaya was strong enough to walk without overwhelming pain. He was able to dress himself in the clothes Shinra had given him. It was only sweatpants and a t-shirt but it made him feel better.

The sound of the front door opening drew Izaya’s focus away from the TV he had been staring mindlessly at for the past hour. He was sitting on the couch in the living room, a bowl of soup sat on the table in front of him barely touched. His appetite was still non-existent which worried his caretaker.

“Izaya! You would never guess who I saw today!” Shinra's over excited voice sounded through the apartment.

Izaya gave him a disinterested look as he walked over to the couch inspecting the bowl on the table.

“You let your soup get cold. Want me to heat it up for you?” Shinra offered.

Izaya shook his head his eyes drifting back to the TV watching the mindless program.

Shinra’s frown deepened before speaking again his voice much more serious this time. “Izaya, you need to eat something. Your body cannot heal without the nutrients and carbohydrates to keep you functioning.”

“I will later.” Izaya said quietly but they both knew it was a lie.

The room was quiet for several minutes before Izaya spoke again. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.” This worried Shinra, Izaya never asked permission for anything. At least not with him.

“Is sex supposed to feel good?” This startled Shinra but he wouldn’t let it show. He had always assumed Izaya had sexual relationships but he never asked about anything like that. Their friendship didn’t extend that deep. But Izaya spoke like the topic was foreign to him.

“Yes, of course. Why else would people do it?” Shinra answered, carefully watching Izaya’s face. It was clear something was bothering him. Until a horrible thought dawned on him.

“What those people did to you was was rape not sex.” Shinra said sternly. He would know, he had cared for the informant’s injuries. There was no way any of that was consensual, he had held a hysterical Izaya’s enough times to know. Izaya’s confusion worried Shinra deeply, underlying issues were probably to blame for this.

Izaya flinched at the statement his eyes downcast. “It wasn’t just them, it hurt every time it happened, no one would ever stop.” He whispered.

What Izaya was insinuating made Shinra’s stomach sink, _“__every time i__t happened”_ he felt ill at the thought that Izaya had been raped before and he had not known about it. He clearly didn’t seem to understand that it was not his fault.

“When was the first time this happened?” He asked gently not wanting Izaya to shut down on him. This was really a breakthrough with him being so forthcoming about such personal things.

“It was before we met.” Was all Izaya said still not looking at his friend.

Now Shinra really felt sick, he had met Izaya at eleven years old. He was still a child! The doctor knew this kind of thing happened but never thought it had happened to a person he considered a friend.

Izaya had stood up while Shinra had been processing this, clearly unbalanced as he gripped the arm of the couch.

“I need to go.” He said hurriedly, voice cracking. He had gone so pale it looked like he was going to faint. The walls he had so carefully put up were quickly crumbling, Shinra doubted Izaya had ever admitted any of this information out loud before.

Shinra stood quickly going to his friend’s side steadying him from falling.

“You should lie down. Your body is still healing.” He said cautiously. Izaya wouldn’t look at him, it was clear he was ashamed of letting that information slip. The informant quickly went into the bathroom shutting the door behind him.

Izaya slid to the floor tears finally spilling down his cheeks. Why had he told Shinra? That wouldn't do him any good, the doctor would mock him for being so emotional! No one was supposed to ever find out what that bastard did to him! It was humiliating! It got harder to breathe as the panic overwhelmed him. His vision was blurring but memories of abuse flashed through his head whenever he closed his eyes. _He wanted to die __now more than ever._

A soft knock on the door only temporarily pulled Izaya away from his dark thoughts.

“Izaya, are you alright?” A hesitant voice asked through the door.

His throat felt like it was closing up making it hard to breathe let alone speak. He vaguely heard the sound of the door opening but it sounded so far away. The voice of his friend was muffled.

Shinra opened the door, he had waited a few minutes but had an awful feeling that Izaya was going to harm himself or worse if left alone. What he saw made his heart sink, Izaya was curled up on the floor by the bathtub shaking and gasping for air as he sobbed. He walked over to him kneeling down next to Izaya wrapping his arms around the trembling body.

“Izaya, you need to breathe.” He said calmly but firmly. Izaya had pressed his face into Shinra's chest tears soaking through the fabric. It was several more minutes before Izaya was able to breathe easier with Shinra's gentle voice soothing him.

He looked at his friend, eyes red from crying. “Why are you helping me? I’m not worth it.” He whispered, sounding so defeated.

Shinra could feel the tension coming off his friend. He knew Izaya put on an act to make it seem like he was above everyone, but now he could finally see behind the facade. Izaya always pushed his friends away if they ever got too close. He would put up another wall and block everyone out. It was clear there was a reason for this.

_Mental illness? _ _Anxiety? Fear?_

All common in people who had been abused as children. He doubted Izaya ever got any psychological counseling for what happened to him. It was very likely he never told a soul. Which explained a lot of his self loathing behavior and little regard for his own safety in taking on such a dangerous line of work.

Izaya clearly had little self esteem and Shinra wondered if he ever attempted suicide. He was distant from his family which could only mean there was issues there. While most people had family issues Izaya always took things to extremes. Yet he watched out for his sisters still rarely interacting with them.

Shinra had more questions than answers but he knew asking Izaya when he was in this state was a horrible idea.

“Lets go to another room. It’s not good for your injuries to sit on the floor.” He changed the subject not wanting Izaya to wallow in this self deprecation.

Shinra helped Izaya to his room, Izaya gasped in pain as Shinra helped him lay back down his eyes wet with fresh tears.

“Hey, you with me?” He asked gently trying to keep the man’s focus off the pain.

“I’m fine.” Izaya choked out, forcing himself not to cry out in pain, watching as Shinra's face blurred in and out of focus.

This answer made Shinra want to smack the man. He clearly just had a panic attack over their conversation and now it seemed like he wanted to forget the whole thing. But hitting his patients would not be good for his reputation so he would wait until Izaya had healed.

“I’m tired Shinra.” Izaya said softly.

“That’s fine, just rest we can talk later.” Shinra responded gently. Izaya didn’t answer he was trying to pull the blankets over himself but his hands were shaking too much. Shinra sighed pulling the covers over him. Izaya was no doubt feeling very weak from the injuries and the lack of food making it hard to do much of anything.

Izaya fell asleep within minutes the exhaustion clear on his face.

Shinra left to call a psychologist he knew to ask her advice on medications that would help Izaya.


End file.
